What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
07.06.2025 02:09
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She wouldn,t have been !
We were not on the streets..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Do all therapists specialize in one specific type of therapy, or are they trained in multiple types?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What is the meaning of xx in texting?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
How did the Nazis figure out whether a person or community is 'Aryan' or not?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
What are some sex stories from your college days?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Do you consider yourself pretty?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
How can I remove decimals in math?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
FX’s ‘Alien: Earth’ Official Trailer Reveals a Predatory Twist - The Hollywood Reporter
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Is anyone up to have a little conversation?
He knew the spot.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
What’s a historical event you wish more people talked about?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why do some people have loving parents and some do not?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why do some men like anal sex?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What story do you have involving a public restroom?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
It was going to be , some day.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was seconnd youngest,
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So, i spoilt her more .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im still living with it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We all went to grammer schools
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She found it foreign!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I have no regrets .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I waited trembling.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My family never makes their pension either.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I write beautiful poetry .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But ive been too sick for many years..
Put me off passion for life!!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I will be 64.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was 9 years of age.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
All the time i was locked up.
I don,t even have a pension.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
When she asked me how she looked .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I said to her
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was scared of men, in general
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And i lived it daily.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is soul school!.
I was very sick at this time too.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My life is so biszare .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was in good health!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Who then, do I blame.?
But it wasn’t much.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Where the ultimate outsiders.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So whats the point in blame.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Ive learnt so much.
What did i know ?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But, we were locked up after school.
Would this be the day?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Comes on , in middle age.
She loved him until the end.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
(And it was in our own minds.)
She married twice! .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One cannot live in the past .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!